Sep 15

Wrapping My Holiday Package for the Santa Undie Run

Well, roast my chestnuts on an open fire! I  just registered for the Santa Skivvies Run on Sunday, December 11 — an almost-naked and freezing cold outdoor drunk run benefiting the SF AIDS Foundation. Yep, drunken Santas wearing only underwear, outdoors in public, during wintertime, raising money for charity. Other than my naked beer gut, what’s not to like about this?

It’s like SantaCon meets the AIDS Walk, but with lots more public nudity. All this holly jolly holiday exhibitionism provides support for  HIV prevention programs, so please consider making a donation on my sponsorship page. Or perhaps even register to undie run at the Santa Skivvies Run yourself! You know I’ll have some high octane Egg Nog or Ouzo Wassail to split with you.

Party starts at 12 Noon at The Lookout on Sunday, Dec. 11. The undie run begins at 1pm, and it’s only 1.4 miles in length. I’m not sure there’s actually even a proper race course here. In fact, this whole thing might be a real “seat-of-the-panties” operation!

Again, you can register to run with Santa Skivvies or donate on the Exercising While Intoxicated page. Plan to see me — lots of me — out there on Sunday, December 11!

Dec 06

Wearing Only Underwear in Cold Winter Weather: A Primer

Santacon looms this weekend, plus the  Santa Skivvies Run Sunday — wherein hundreds will run in the streets of San Francisco wearing nothing but Santa caps and a pair of undies to raise money for the SF AIDS Foundation. Plenty of you will be out there wearing just underwear or lingerie in public, in December. Weather Underground is calling low temperatures in the mid-40s for Sunday in San Francisco. These may not be ideal conditions for streaking or undie running, but we can learn much from the legacy of cold-weather sports fans who go shirtless or topless in frigid temperatures.

Like for one thing, it’s a good way to get yourself shown on television or the internet.

If you’re stripping down in public in very low temperatures, you’re probably already breaking three of the most fundamental rules of staying warm outdoors: you’re not wearing the right clothing, you don’t have adequate shelter, and you’re probably drinking alcohol. Alcohol does not help your body stay warm in the cold, it dilates your blood vessels and increases your body’s heat loss. But I would not discourage you from drinking, nor do I have the moral authority to do so.

This means that good, healthy cold weather streaking requires greater focus on the second tier of warmth retention strategies. You’ve already blown it in a big way on the fundamentals, so make up for it by tending to a number of the little things.

  • Cover Your Feet and Head Really Well – You’re skimping on the rest of your body, so be sure to have on well-soled shoes and heavy socks. If you’re not wearing a Santa cap, you should be wearing some kind of hat. Gloves would also be recommended if you’re not exercising, but if you are exercising then gloves are likely to overheat you quickly.
  • Stay Dry – If your bare skin is wet, your body will lose heat nearly 25 times faster . If it looks like rain, take an umbrella. You can still enjoy the benefits of exhibitionism in rainy weather if you’re covered by an umbrella. Plus you’ll fucking look better. If you’re sweating, wipe that sweat off of you as frequently as possible. Sweat will contribute to windchill in cold weather.
  • Drink Water – I know, they say this every time you’re doing something you shouldn’t do to yourself.
  • Pick Your Favorite Cold Weather Booze – You are hurting yourself, but at least choose a warm-feeling booze that gives you at least some psychological comfort. Heather Hawkins, fitness blogger at FitLIfeSF who is also running the Santa Skivvies, recommends Rumple Minze. “It warms from the inside out,” says Ms. Hawkins. “During Santarchy 2009, I had a “Jingle Stick” full of Rumple Minze and we ran into (Former SF mayor) Gavin Newsom as he was leaving the Safeway on Church and Market. I offered him his choice of Rumple Minze from the Jingle Stick, flavored lube or candy canes and he “no thanksed” them all. No wonder his career has taken the turn it has.”
  • Don’t Drink Coffee or Smoke Beforehand – Pick your poison — and you’re probably picking alcohol — so try to exclude the other vices.  Caffeine is a diuretic, and will dehydrate you. Nicotine is a vasoconstrictor, and limits your blood circulation.
  • Do Drink Ginseng  or Green Tea Beforehand – Hot drinks other than coffee can serve you well when near-naked outdoors. While green tea has caffeine, it has substantially less than coffee –plus it’s an antioxidant, and encourages thermogenesis. Ginseng is a good, energizing antioxidant containing no caffeine. Hot drinks are great, but avoid sugar.
  • Eat a Hot Meal Two Hours Beforehand – Chowing down on complex carbohydrates a couple hours before your streak helps your body produce heat and insulation. Soup, chili, pasta, or potatoes are a great idea. Meats and cheeses can also be beneficial, but make an effort to go lean or low-fat.
  • Stay Close to Your Scantily Clad Friends – You guys really need body heat, so stay close to one another. Frequent hugging or snuggling will benefit both parties, and requires no supplies or advance planning. Plus this can also lead to you getting some action that you would otherwise not have gotten.

In San Francisco, you’re not going to get hypothermia unless you jump in the ocean. You might, however, get cold and put your clothes back on earlier – and then everybody loses. In colder regions with a legitimate windchill factor, attention to secondary warming strategies will be critical for you when going naked or near naked outdoors. And I will look forward to seeing your shriveled package or your unshriveled nipples on television or the internet!

Jan 31

The Best Gadgets for Drunks at Macworld 2015

Once I managed to dryheave my way past security at the Macworld 2015 expo, I couldn’t help but notice that the featured gadgets and gizmos aren’t really gadgets and gizmos anymore. These days, most of what you see at Macworld are accessoriesfor gadgets and gizmos. Or apps for gadgets and gizmos.  Or accessories for operating those apps, which some people call “app-cessories”. Those people ought to get fucked silly with a Steve Jobs bobblehead.

Nonetheless, that Macworld exhibition floor features some real, legitimate must-haves for boozebags like you and me. Let’s take a look at some of the top-shelf doohickies for alcoholics with iOS mobile devices.

The Best in Show from my drunkass perspective is the Intoxicase, which appears at first glance to be a simple, stainless steel polycarb iPhone holder with a bottle opener embedded in it. I know, plenty of you people have shown me how to perform this task with a cigarette lighter many times over. My permanently impaired motor skills will likely never allow me to do this with consistent success.

You can see the Intoxicase in action to up above, in the hands of  Marketing VP Roni Bonjack, whose company Spicebox designed and produced the Intoxicase. Ms. Ronjack is using the standard Intoxicase there, but they also produce an Intoxicate Plus whose bottle opener folds in so you don’t have a conspicuous lump sticking out of your pocket.

Hey, is that a standard Intoxicase in your pocket? Or  are you just happ– ahh, forget it.

But there’s way more cool shit going on with the Intoxicase. Each Intoxicase comes with a free app that counts how many bottles you’ve opened, logs which brands of beers you’ve drank, helps you find your car if you forgot where you parked, and calls you a cab if you’re too wasted to drive.

Intoxicase can also post this info via your favorite time-wasting social media platform, like Facebook. “You can check into a specific bar, so your friends know to join you at that bar,” Ms. Ronjack said.

Intoxicase was also the only exhibitior at Macworld who dressed their booth babe in a dirndl. Huge respect for that. If you look closely, you can see that her earrings are actually Sam Adams bottlecaps.

Of course, you can just imagine all the leering and chauvinism from asshole guys with cameras that poor woman had to smile and put up with out there on the Macworld exhibition floor.  And that’s just for the ten minutes that I was standing there!

Product design junkies might also consider the Opena Case, also a bottle opened designed specifically for the iPhone 4s. The Opena Case opens your beer bottle via a slide-out mechanism. I personally found the Intoxicase to be a little more elegantly designed, plus it comes with the clever free apps, and even the premium Intoxicase Plus is priced lower than the standard Opena Case. But it’s just like deciding between a pint or a tumbler of Fernet — anyone’s preference would be determined by mood and personal inclination.

Y’all drunks who regularly lose their phones when wasted will surely want to check out the iKeep — which latches your iPhone or Android to your belt buckle and discreetly keeps your phone attached to your body via a retractable cord. That way, you’re not going to leave your phone in a bar yet again. Those Apple software engineers who keep leaving their next-generation prototype iPhones in bars really need to get themselves one of these! There is also an iKeep Charger, which can charge your iPhone, Andoid, or any mico USB-charged device. It provides the same foolproof attached-to-your body security of the iKeep, but can also be juiced up to provide a reliable back-up charge when your phone is losing battery power.

And the Worst Gadget for Drunks at Macworld 2015? That would be Dr. Dre Detox headphones, a cushioned pair of noise-isolating aluminum case headphones. I just do not like the name of those things


This post is sponsored by Caitlin Peters from HQWorld, She writes about gadgets, maternal bond and related topics and does provides custom essay writing service for anyone who needs quality essays or articles for college works.

Jul 26

Bay to Breakers Liquor Store Map 2011

Happy 100th Bay to Breakers, liquor lovers! Once again, Exercising While Intoxicated has thoroughly surveyed your Bay to Breakers race course map and noted for you the locations of all the liquor stores along the course. Also detailed are the off-course liquor store locations near the Panhandle and Golden Gate Park, areas of the race where things get desperate and it’s hard to find a liquor store to save your life.

Longtime Bay to Breakerers know the sheer hell of trying to find a liquor store in the remote and pastoral rolling acres of Golden Gate Park. Once runners hit the park, everyone’s stash of booze and smokes is beginning to run low, and a deep sense of collective anxiety sets in. People have gotten lost for hours in those Richmond and Sunset avenues — losing their friends, desperately jonesing for more cigarettes or booze, and finding no relief. A few liquor stores are actually out there, but they are massively difficult to find without an ingenious reference toll such as this that I have crudely Photoshopped and posted for you here.

WordPress has been wonky with images lately, so click here for the full-size version. Android and iPhone users, you need this fucking thing.

Bay to Breakers race course liquor store availability can be broken down into three distinct phases. Miles 1 and 2 of the race course offer very few liquor stores open at 7am on a Sunday, but you don’t care because you still have the booze you initially brought with you. Mile 3 is Hayes Valley, Hayes Hill, and NoPa, a veritable Miracle Mile offering open-for-business liquor stores on practically every block. But then nothing — after you complete Mile 3, you will not see one single open liquor store at any point on the race course from here on. Srsly people that’s not even halfway!

The white numbers on the map correspond to the Liquor Store Roster further down this post. A couple other things to explain first…

This year’s Liquor Store Map offers expanded coverage of the difficult and disorienting Golden Gate Park area, calling out the quickest and easiest liquor store round trip Sweet Spots. These Sweet Spots are noted on the map with a little blue liquor bottle. These Sweet Spots offer round trips to stores with beer, hard liquor, wine, and cigarettes, in as little as ten minutes!

Also noted are those frustrating traps I call False Hope — establishments that look like they would sell booze, but don’t. They’re either not open yet, or they do not sell alcohol. These insiduous traps are noted as black numbers on the map.

There is one new liquor store on this year’s updated map — Harvest Urban Market at Howard & 8th Street. This is an extremely upscale and shi-shi yuppie organic food market, so it’s going to be an interesting culture clash. They open at 7:30 on Sunday morning, so depending on your pace you may have already passed it.

Golden Gate Park Liquor Store Sweet Spots

The best defense against Golden Gate Park alcohol famine is to just stop in the Panhandle, before you head into the park. As you’re dancing to those DJ house parties at generous Panhandle households, remember that the liquor stores in the streets to your immediate North are the quickest and easiest places to stock back up for the rest of the race. These are Nos. 16-22 on the above map.

But if your stash ends up depleted in Golden Gate Park, these Sweet Spots offer the quickest and most painless routes to open liquor stores. They are marked on the map with a blue bottle.

Right Before the DeYoung

Notice how you can barely see the top of the DeYoung in the photo to the left? At the moment you can see the top of the DeYoung, that’s where you want to turn right into The Richmond. 8th Avenue juts into the park at this point, intersecting directly with the race course. Hang a right onto 8th Ave. and walk one block north to Cabrillo. Turn right again at Cabrillo, and you will immediately be at a Safeway (No. 26 on the map). I don’t think they have public washrooms. Round Trip: 10 minutes.


Crossover Drive

Right after you see the waterfall, there will be an overpass — that’s Crossover Drive. You want to take it South toward The Sunset, going North will put you in a horribly unnavigable situation. You’ll have to follow a little forest path up the hill to access Crossover Drive, but it’s not hard. Crossover Drive will pop you out down in the Sunset at 19th Ave., where liquor stores No. 30-36 on the map are right at your disposal. Round Trip: 20 minutes.

Spreckels Lake

If you don’t recognize Spreckels Lake, then just look for a lake with First Aid tents. Go off course and walk the perimeter of the lake over to 36th Avenue, you are totally able to see Fulton Street from where you are. From Fulton and 36th at the edge of the park, walk North up 36th Ave. for two blocks and you’ll see Balboa Produce Market (No 42). Also on Balboa St., Balboa Liquor & Deli (No. 43) is one block to the West. Round Trip: 15 minutes.



The Windmill and Finish Line

When you see the windmill, you’re almost done with the race! There’s actually a big huge Safeway (No. 52) right on the other side of that windmill. It may make more sense to just go another 1000 yards and finish the race, at which point you can hit the Beach Chalet (No. 53) and their always-awesome Bay to Breakers after party. It’s an obvious place to re-group, they have B2B drink specials, and Santa Cruz dream-pop hotties Wooster rocking the fuck out of the rest of the day. Round Trip: 10 minutes.


Bay to Breakers Liquor Store Roster

Now that we’ve covered the bigger-picture matters, here is a detailed roster of each liquor store shown on the course map. Good, open, fully-functional liquor stores appear as white numbers with black outline, False Hope traps appear as black numbers with red outline. Each number on the map corresponds with a liquor store name and cross-street below.

1 – The Gold Club – False Hope! – (Howard & New Montgomery) They’re totally not open until 7pm tonight. They shouldn’t even be on this map! I just know that when you walk by, you can’t resist woot-wootin’ and hollerin’.

2 – Yerba Buena Market – (Howard & Sixth St.) FINALLY! Your first open liquor store on the race course! Expect to wait in line.

3 — Harvest Urban Market – (Howard & Eighth St.) This store has glass doors and a delicate all-glass exterior, and the glass doors politely ask “Please Use Natoma Street Entrance”. Oh, do they have another thing coming.

4 -The Chevron/Andretti Speed Mart/Burger King/Starbucks Blight – False Hope!– (Howard & Ninth St.) You can see it coming from far away, and it really looks like it should have beer! But you get there, and it doesn’t. Happens to lots of good people every year. Useful only for cigarettes and their dynamite array of blinky toys.

5– Go Go Market – (Mission & Ninth) Only the third liquor store open on a Sunday morning, and we’re already nearing the two-mile mark. Shocking, huh? They’ve been open since 6.

6 – Civic Center Market – False Hope! – (Market & Larkin) You won’t find them open unless you’re already trailing the race by a solid two hours.

7 – Anna’s Market – False Hope! – (Hayes & Gough) Also does not open until 10 a.m. If you’re running, or even managing to walk forward, you’re long gone by then.

8 – Nabila’s – (Hayes & Laguna) This is your last one before heading up Hayes Hill.

9 – Hayes Market – (Hayes & Buchanan) They finally took the apostrophe off the word Hayes! They realize it’s a name and not a possessive singular!

10 – H&W Market – (Hayes & Webster) Now there’s a liquor on every block and it’s like an embarassment of riches.

11 – Tim’s Market – (Hayes & Fillmore) Now you’re on a block that has two.

12 – In & Out Market – (Hayes & Fillmore) This being the other one.

13 – Divisadero Farmer’s Market – (Hayes & Divisadero) Runners will have just completed Hayes Hill, so it’s surely Miller Time.

14 – New Star-El Liquor -(Fell & Divisadero) Last liquor store directly along the race course route! That is just astonishing to me. There are still more than four and a half miles left.

15 – Faletti Foods – (Broderick & Fell)

16 – Nimer’s – (Fulton & Lyon)

17 – Parkside Market (Hayes & Lyon)

18 – Home Service Market – (Hayes & Central)

19 – Fulton Food Shop – (Fulton & Mason)

20 – Deli Plus – (Hayes & Ashbury)

21 – Cindy’s Market – (Hayes & Cole)

22 – Lucky – (Fulton & Masonic) I’m recommending you skip off the course in the middle of The Panhandle (at Masonic) and venture up to the Lucky Supermarket at Fulton St. You should seriously stock up here. You’re about to enter Golden Gate Park. Any veering off the race course to buy booze once you’re in that open, pastoral park will involve a lengthy  round trip, and who knows if you’ll even find your people again. You should buy however much here you think you need to finish the race, and devise some way to carry it all.

23 – Parkview Market – (Frederick & Stanyan) Now you’re in Golden Gate Park, and you’re heading way out of your way. Can you make it to 8th Ave.? It’s a much shorter time investment.

24 — Drink Liquor — (2nd Ave. & Balboa) Yes, there is actually a liquor store called Drink Liquor! Unfortunately, it is one of the furthest off-course liquor stores on this whole map.

25 — Golden Bear Market — (6th Ave. & Judah)

26 – Safeway – (7th Ave. & Cabrillo) This is THE easiest way to get liquor once you’re in Golden Gate Park! Just turn left out of the park at Eighth Avenue, right when you see the DeYoung.

27 — Stand-Bi Market (8th Ave. & Judah)

28 – 828 Irving Market – (9th Ave. & Irving) You really should just turn around and go back to Safeway, but if you feel the need to be making forward progress there will now be a string of liquor stores in the Sunset.

29 — Judah 9th Ave. Liquors – (9th Ave. & Judah) Here is the next.

30 — Royal Food Store – (9th Ave. & Judah)

31 – Sun Valley Market – (10th Ave. & Irving) Can you make it to 19th Avenue? You should really try instead of doing this. This involves cutting off the race course at the DeYoung Museum, picking up MLK Drive and taking that down to until it turns into 9th Ave., and then cutting up to 10th. The 19th Ave. option involves a lot less extracurricular travel. This is way more trouble than it’s worth, but you do have the option.

32 – Eddy’s Discount Liquor – (11th Ave. & Irving) See above, add one block of pointless extra travel.

33 – Andronico’s – (Funston & Irving) There are some serious bull in a china shop possibilities here for you all hammered-ass drunks in this high-end gourmet grocery store. They have beer and wine.

34 — Europa Express — (15th Ave. & Irving) An all-Russian liquor store for the fluent Russian speakers among you! They have Russian vodkas like Beluga, Rublevka, and other things I can’t pronounce because their labels are in Cyrillic. There’s another Europa Express at the end of the race.

35 — 17th Balboa Market — (17th Ave. & Balboa)

36 — Handy’s — (19th Ave. & Irving) Last chance for liquor until 25th Avenue! And do you know for sure you’re even going to make it that far?

37 — Sunset Super — (25th Ave. & Irving) If you somehow miss the turn-off at 19th and manage to make it through all the heavy brush and chain link fences, there’s another beer-only option a little further down the Sunset. They have regular domestic beer — but every single grocery there otherwise is full-on Chinese. It’s all Pocky and sea animal-flavored fried chip snacks. On the plus side, you can score rice wine and Chinese liquor.

38 – Balboa Bi-Rite Market – (26th & Balboa)

39 –  Judah Mini Market — (28th & Judah)

40 — Sunset Strip Liquors — (31st Ave. & Judah)

41 – Better Food Market – (32nd Ave. & Balboa)

42 – Balboa Liquor & Deli – (36th & Balboa) This is your Spreckels Lake turn-off. Very easy! Ten minute round trip!

43 – Balboa Produce Market – (37th & Balboa)

44 — Charlie’s Market –(41st Ave. & Irving) When the course veers hard to the right past the buffalo, you have this 20-minute round trip option. When the course turns right, you turn left and take MLK South to Lincoln. MLK puts you out right at 41st & Lincoln, and Charlie’s is one block down 41st at Irving.

45 – Richmond Market – (41st & Balboa)

46 – 7-11 – (46th Ave. & Judah) This one does not have liquor. It is a 7-11. It has beer and cigarettes.

47 – Western Sunset Market – (46th Ave. & Judah) This one has liquor! This is the closest Finish Line-area liquor store with liquor!

48 – Your Market, My Deli – (48th & Kirkham)

49 – 76 Food Mart – False Hope! – (Lincoln & La Playa) Yes, that big orange 76 will look awfully alluring. But they don’t have beer, just snacks and cigarettes!

50– Europa Express – (LaPlaya & Balboa)

51 – Freddy’s Ocean Beach Deli – (LaPlaya & Balboa)

52 – Safeway – (LaPlaya & Fulton) – Right on the other side of the windmill! But you should just finish the race and then come here. You have, like, four more blocks!

53 – Beach Chalet – (Fulton & Great Highway) A great place to regroup once you’ve finished the race is the Beach Chalet and it’s notorious after-party. They’ll have no cover, Bay to Breakers drink specials, and live music from Wooster. Let your people come together and devise further party plans after you’ve all finished the race.

If you notice any omission or mistakes, please let me know in the Comments! This is a one-person project, and I am not the most detail-oriented tack in the book.

Lastly, it’s obviously incumbent on me now to develop this thing into a working mobile app. Of course I am clueless in this regard. UI peeps or mobile developers, who among you will work for booze?

May 17

Catch Me at Bawdy Storytelling Tonight in Oakland

Hey Oaklaaaaaand! Just a quick note that I will be occupying your fair city tonight (Thurs 5/17) to deliver amusements onstage at this month’s installment of Bawdy Storytelling, “Real people and rockstars sharing their bona fide sexual exploits in 10 minutes or less”. Tonight’s fun is at The Uptown, and will also feature San Francisco Queer Open Mic co-founder Baruch Porras-Hernandez and our old friend Sean Kelly, with steampunk electro-cello musical stylings provided by Unwoman. It orta be a hoot, East Bay!

May 14

Yes, it is Legal to Run Bay to Breakers Naked, and Yes, this Article is NSFW

Just got off the phone with the SFPD, and this is confirmed — yes, it is legal to run the Bay to Breakers race completely naked.

Thanks to San Francisco’s extremely permissive public nudity laws, running 7.5 miles with your respective boobs or junk flopping around in public is 100% legal. The only restrictions on your public nudity are that you may not enter a restaurant, and you may not sit your bare ass upon any benches or public seating without first placing a towel or some material upon the seating area. Other than that, you can totally rock out with your vagina/cock out.

UPDATE: The SFPD has clarified to me via email that “Exposing one’s private parts in public is not unlawful unless the act is committed LEWDLY (i.e. erect penis).”. So, ummm, no erect penises, guys.

Now technically, it is against the rules of the Bay to Breakers race to run naked — but the Bay to Breakers organization has substantially toned down its enforcement. This year’s Bay to Breakers rules do not mention any ban on nudity — the only mentioned banned objects or practices on the race course are wheeled objects, alcohol, and floats. Race spokesman Sam Singer told the SF Chronicle, “There has always been a ban on nudity – it has never been enforced and it won’t likely be enforced this year, either.”

Know who we can thank for the Bay to Breakers’ non-enforcement of their nudity ban? None other than our allegedly-wifebeating Sheriff Ross Mirkarimi. Mirkarimi took up the cause for nudity at Bay to Breakersin 2009 when he was a city supervisor, noting, “Nudity and floats are part of the overall eccentric nature of the race and what makes it so great.”

Funny how our perceptions of people change over time, huh?

It is believed that the first person to run Bay to Breakers nude was Lesli Josephson, a nurse who did so in 1978. The largest organized group of naked runners are Bare to Breakers, who have been doing this since 1993. You can still join them in time for Sunday’s race!

May 10

First Pink Gorilla Video Surfaces for Bay to Breakers 2012

The shit is bananas at this point! We are ten days from Bay to Breakers 2012, and the Pink Gorilla is already out performing monkeyshines.

The pink gorillas in this video are not the real “pink gorilla guy”, who is an actual East Bay distance runner that just happens to own a pink gorilla suit. These pink gorillas are part of Zazzle‘s pink gorilla-themed promotions for this year’s race, and they will be aping it up on local street corners in the weeks leading up to the race. So help me god, I will score me one of those gorilla suits!

Dec 12

The Santa Skivvies Run 2011: A Full De-Briefing

On Sunday afternoon, hundreds of boozed-up do-gooders took to the streets of San Francisco wearing nothing but red undies and a Santa hat for the Third Annual Santa Skivvies Run. The event is a benefit that raised more than $28,000 for the San Francisco AIDS Foundation. You may even wish to add to that total.

Fortunately for my junk, temperatures early Sunday afternoon were in the mid-50s. You couldn’t hardly ask for better weather for an outdoor December undie run, proving once again that God loves the all silly gay shit that we do in The Castro. I tried warming people up even more by with some stretch-out yoga poses with Heather from FitLifeSF, and also of course by handing around a flask full of tequila. Plenty of people took the tequila, but nobody except Heather did the yoga with me. The run itself was not even two miles, so you could be in awful condition and still pretty much run that whole thing. The folks at the AIDS Foundation had the route extremely well organized, and shepherded us boozebags through the Castro, Diamond Heights, Dolores Park, and then back to The LookoutSuppositori Spelling ho-stessed the affair, with DJ stylings provided afterward by DJ Grind. I did the run in my red sequined hot pants, as seen in the left and below photos. Since it was an undie run, I thought it was appropriate to not wear any additional briefs, boxers, leggings, or hosiery underneath my hot pants. I think the hot pants-only look worked pretty well on me — but oh, was it a terrible choice for running. You can just imagine the manner of horrible chafing that was taking place on my sensitive regions when running in a pair of sequined hot pants. “At least you didn’t chafe your asscrack,” Heather said. “Because as we can all see that was pretty much bare the whole time.”

Very funny… whatever. As you can see here, I was rockin’ a boombox in one hand and my flask in the other, wearing only hot pants and with no form of pockets whatsoever. This posed all sorts of challenges, so I was not able to manage a camera to take any photos. However,  Jim James has quite a set (haha!) posted on EDGE San Francisco. Meanwhile avantard has a whole slew of Santa Skivvies 2011 shots on Flickr, and coreythrace has a fewas well. For the definitive multimedia experience of the 2011 Santa Skivvies Run, Danny Palacios of Danny Boy Productions has beautiful HD video footage of the affair, set to outlandish orchestral Christmas music and then edited into something resembling a holiday movie trailer. A big thanks to the San Francisco AIDS Foundation for organizing and managing the event, to Molly Mounds for running with me and putting up with my ridiculous Christmas mash-ups, and to all the naughty Santas that participated in Santa Skivvies 2011.